Uncontrollable (Key West #3) Read online

  “Do you see this little dark spot right here?” Dr. Miles asked as he pointed to the screen.

  “Yes,” Avery whispered, and I leaned in toward the screen next to the machine to get a better view.

  “That is your baby,” he explained. “You’re measuring at around six weeks.”

  I don’t know what the hell was happening within me, but I felt a burning in my chest when I attempted to take in a breath. A shudder ran through me as I continued to stare at the screen, still concentrating solely on the sweet swooshing sound. When the noise abruptly stopped, I jumped up out of my chair. “What happened?”

  Avery laughed lightly at my reaction, and the doctor offered me a reassuring smile. “The sonogram is over.”

  My heart ached at his words. I wasn’t ready for it to be over. That beautiful heartbeat let me know my child was healthy and strong. Without it, how was I supposed to remain calm?

  “I did take a couple photos for the both of you, though—something you can show your friends and family.” The doctor held out a strip of paper with two pictures on it. Baby Nolan was written on the top.

  The words ignited a need to claim my child. I grabbed the pen off the countertop, hunched over, and added a hyphen and the name Thomas before dropping the pen back on the clipboard. When I looked over at Avery, she was watching me with an eyebrow arched in question.

  “What?” I asked.

  Dr. Miles got it. I could see it in his eyes. No sensible man wanted to have their child bear a different last name than their own. Giving the baby my name would be a hurdle Avery and I would have to jump, but I had now officially acknowledged I was taking responsibility for the life growing inside her. It was one of those life-changing moments, the kind that basically smack you on the back of your head while screaming it’s time to wake the fuck up. I had a child on the way, and it was time to lay to rest all the bullshit I had been pulling over the last couple months.

  After the doctor excused himself, I stepped up to the side of the bed as Avery sat up. She looked at me in confusion as I locked eyes with her.

  “Why are you staring at me like that?” she asked.

  “I’m sorry I’ve been an idiot. I’m sorry about that night at the garage.”

  She winced and turned away as she began to slide off the edge of the table, clutching the paper gown over her lower half. She was trying to get away, but I couldn’t allow that. I hooked her hips with my arm and held her in place.

  “I didn’t look at you that night because I knew if I did, you’d be able to read how I truly feel about you,” I said. “I wasn’t ready for that. There was no way I could have hidden it from you. Instead, I forced myself to remain detached, and I know it was a dick move, a dumbass move I’ll regret every day.”

  “Just let it go, Kade,” she insisted as she tried to pull away from me.

  “No,” I growled. “I’m not letting it go. I’m gonna fix this. I’m gonna do right by you and our baby.”

  “The only thing you need to do is take care of you,” she said. “When the baby comes, I just want him or her to have their father in their life. I don’t expect anything more than that.”

  Her gazed locked on mine. She was hurt, and I expected that. She had every right to be. But if it took forever, I would prove to her that our night together wasn’t just some random hookup but a night where a stubborn-ass man had made a huge mistake. I should have held her close and allowed her to see the emotion in my eyes and the overwhelming connection I felt as our bodies joined—a connection that hit me harder than I had expected it to.

  “I will correct my mistakes, Avery. That’s a promise.” I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss against her forehead. I meant what I said. I would make this up to her or die trying.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Avery

  “So how mad are you?” Quinn asked as we walked toward my car.

  I was exhausted and emotionally drained both from the appointment and from how Kade had reacted. I couldn’t allow myself to believe he meant anything he said. I knew he would do the right thing where the baby was concerned; that was just the type of man he was. But that’s all I wanted from him. What we shared was a moment of insanity. Months and months of lust had built to the point of explosion, and I now had the bun in the oven as a result. As we drove back to my place, I felt more and more worn out. My emotions were through the roof, and it was exhausting.

  I was pregnant. I still couldn’t believe it.

  “I felt like I was the enemy and you and Kade set forth this secret attack,” I told her as I pulled my car into the driveway. “But I’m not mad about him being there. I just wish you would have said something, that’s all I’m saying.”

  “He came over last night to talk to Jett,” Quinn said. “He was still in shock, I think, about the baby. But as he was sitting there on the couch with his head hung, he just looked so defeated. He was upset about how he had screwed things up with you and worried he wouldn’t be able to make everything right again. It all just sort of slipped out, and Avery, you should have seen the way his eyes lit up the moment I brought up the baby.”

  She paused, and I placed the car in park, looking over to meet her stare.

  “He went from looking lost to grinning harder than I’ve ever seen him grin,” she said. “He may have been shocked by the news, but I think this baby is exactly what he needs to see the good in life that he forgot existed. He’s spent so much time in the darkness I think he can’t remember what it feels like to be happy.”

  “I know,” I said. “I saw that look in his eyes today, when we heard the baby’s heartbeat. I swear when the doctor pointed to the image on the screen, Kade was on the verge of tears. In fact, I could barely concentrate on the image of our baby because I was in awe of the effect it was having on him.

  “But I just can’t let go of the anger I feel toward him for the way he acted and for basically giving up,” I went on. “He just needs to find his happiness on his own, without using the baby or me as his excuse. He can’t just keep burying that shit deep inside. He has to learn to face those demons, because until he does, he’ll never truly be happy.”

  Quinn nodded. “You’re right, he does. But this may just be the shove he needed to realize that for himself.” She paused for a moment. “I promise I will never plan a secret attack again.”

  She winked and I rolled my eyes. She was such a brat sometimes, but I knew she meant well. I reached over the console, wrapped my arms around her shoulders, and gave her a reassuring hug. When I pulled back, I grabbed a hair tie from the gearshift in the center and pulled back my hair from my face. “Now I have to go share the news with my mom and dad.”

  “Want me to come along?” she asked.

  “No.” I smiled. “I got this.” I knew my mom wouldn’t be mad; she would offer more than enough support. That was just the kind of woman she was. My only concern was the ongoing conflict between Kade and my stepfather. How well would all this turn out if the two of them couldn’t even be in the same room together?

  “Don’t forget we all have a spa day at Allure tomorrow, compliments of Harp. Pedicures and facials, haircuts, waxing, you name it, it’s all at our fingertips.” Quinn pulled the handle and pushed open the door. “I can pick you up at ten.” She stood there, half hanging out of the car, awaiting my response.

  “All right, sounds good,” I said.

  Maybe a spa day with the girls would be what I needed. I loved the idea of being pampered and fussed over.

  ***

  “Hello, sweetheart. This is a surprise,” my mother said as she rinsed the lettuce for the salad she was making. “You staying for dinner?”

  Before I could answer her, my stepfather came barreling through the back door carrying a plate of steaming steaks and followed closely by Homer, his very old, very large German Shepherd. “Well, this is a nice surprise. You staying for dinner?” he asked when he saw me.

  I laughed as he repeated my mother almost word for word, then smiled
as he stepped up behind her and placed the plate on the counter at his side. He kissed her cheek before turning back to me.

  “Sure, if you don’t mind,” I said. “I actually needed to talk to you both.”

  Of course this got my mother’s attention. She looked back over her shoulder, concern covering her features. “Is everything okay?” she asked as she dried her hands with a dish towel.

  “Avery?” Robert asked. Both of my parents were now watching me closely.

  “You’re both freaking out for nothing,” I said. “You need to learn to relax and have patience, especially since babies require both of those.” I watched as their eyes widened. “If this little bitty is anything like me, we’ll all have to be on our toes for sure.”

  My mom stepped forward, and her gaze shifted between my stomach and my eyes over and over as she attempted to speak, only to keep closing her mouth. I almost giggled at the shock on her face but held it in.

  “You’re gonna have a baby?” Robert asked as his brow wrinkled.

  I nodded as I reached into my bag and pulled out the sonogram picture. When I pushed it in their direction, they both scrambled closer to get a better look.

  I wished I had a copy to give them, but I had allowed Kade to take the other one so he could share it with whoever he wanted. “I had my first visit with the doctor today. He confirmed I’m about six weeks along. Looks like it’s gonna be a Christmas baby.”

  “Avery.” My mother’s voice came out as a gentle whisper, and her lips trembled as she raised a hand to cover her mouth. “My baby is having a baby.”

  “Yeah, Mom, I’m gonna have a baby.”

  She rushed forward before I had time to prepare myself and wrapped her arms around me. “I’m gonna be a grandma,” she stated proudly as she rocked me from side to side. “How does Kade feel about this?”

  Her words caught me completely off guard. She knew I was attracted to him. I had told her a number of times over the last year just how much I wished he could offer me more, but I hadn’t told her we’d breached the friends-only barrier. I leaned back and looked her directly in the eyes, questioning her without speaking the words.

  “I know my daughter. I know where your heart lies. I also know you’re dedicated and loyal, and he’s the only option,” she explained. “How does he feel about becoming a father?”

  “He’s happy,” I said. “He was shocked at first, but he came to the appointment with me, and you should have seen the look on his face when we heard the heartbeat. It was amazing how awestruck he was.” I looked over at my stepfather, who watched us in silence. “He has a lot of things to sort out in his head from his past. I just hope this bit of news helps lead him in the right direction.”

  “He’s just holding a lot of anger inside, Avery,” Robert said. “But I agree with you. Hopefully the news of becoming a father will help him move forward. I pray it leads him on the right path.”

  Robert knew more than anyone how darkness can consume you and pull you under. I wanted more than anything else for Kade to find peace, to be able to let go of the guilt and pain he’s felt since that day. But until he was able to do so, we could only sit back and hope for the best.

  I’d tried to help him, but in the end, he’s the only one who can save himself.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kade

  “Mom, how many of these damn shelves do you need?” I asked as I anchored the third bookshelf to the wall. She’d decided to turn the bedroom on the main level into the library she said she always wanted. After my father’s death, she’d slowly begun to recreate each room and clear out my father’s stuff. He’d been a pack rat, and the rooms were filled with his toys and clutter.

  “Well, I have about a dozen boxes of books in the attic, plus two more I just bought from a yard sale that are in the trunk of my car. Then I have to think of the books I’ll buy in the future.” She pointed toward the far wall. “I want that entire wall left open. The others can be lined with shelves. And in the center I want my big, fluffy reading chair.” She closed her eyes as if she was imagining how the completed project would appear.

  I had been dragging my feet all day. I came over early this morning with the intention of telling her about Avery and the baby, but I still hadn’t gained the courage to share the news. She would be excited, but then I’d have to tell her why Avery and I weren’t together. That story would only lead to me having to explain how I’d played a game of yo-yo with Avery for the last year and didn’t deserve someone as good as her. My mom would lay into me after that, and I knew I’d deserve it.

  “So when are you gonna stop pussyfooting around?” my mother asked. I looked back over my shoulder and cocked an eyebrow in question as she set a glass of iced tea on the table just behind me. “That’s not gonna work with me, Kade. I can tell something is bothering you. You’ve been here all day, fixing the kitchen sink, cleaning out the garage. You insisted on doing these shelves today, when I told you it could wait. I know something is eating away at you, and I want you to spill it. Quit dragging your feet and give it to me straight.”

  I turned back toward the shelf and anchored the last screw. Taking a deep breath, I placed the screwdriver down on the table and took a seat on the other end of the couch she still had sitting in the center of the room.

  “You’re right,” I said.

  She smiled widely and laughed. “Of course I am,” she stated proudly. “I am not often wrong when it comes to you.”

  I should have known she would see right through my act. “Do you remember Robert? The guy that was in the car that hit Jenna?” Her bright smile faltered, and she nodded. “He’s actually Avery’s stepfather.”

  I had mentioned Avery a time or two around my mother, and I could sense her happiness every time I did.

  “And?” She continued to stare at me, waiting for more.

  “I found out at Jett’s wedding, and it sort of brought everything back all at once. All the anger and—”

  “Kade Russell, tell me you did not treat that girl with disrespect because of Robert. What is wrong with you?” she asked when I let my gaze fall to the floor. “That man did not intentionally set out to hurt Jenna, you know this. He has suffered for years, just as you have, just as Jenna’s parents have. Damn it, Kade.”

  “There’s more.” If I was going to be on the end of the shit stick, I may as well get it all out there and deal with the wrath of Wynona Thomas. “I, uh…” I cleared my throat as I looked up at her and took a quick drink of tea, attempting to soothe it. “I sort of fell back into my old drinking habits.”

  Disappointment filled her eyes as flashbacks of my drinking binges no doubt showed their ugly faces. I threw away my football career and caused my parents so much pain all those years ago.

  “I wasn’t very good to her, and I regret that,” I murmured.

  “Kade,” she whispered as she slid closer. “Drinking will not take the ache away. Even if it disappears for a short time, it will still be waiting for you once you sober up.”

  “I know,” I said. “I need to work on coping with the pain and anger.”

  “So you hurt Avery, and now you need to figure out how to fix it.”

  “Yes, I do, because I miss her friendship,” I confessed. “And, um…”

  Her eyes shot up to meet mine once more.

  “I figured it’s time to clean up my act and start acting like a man. Considering I’m gonna be a father and all. I have to set a good example for my little person.”

  She stared at me in shock, her mouth slightly hanging open, as if the words were still sinking in.

  “Avery’s pregnant.”

  Her shocked stare slowly morphed into a smile. I knew the idea of a grandbaby would be something she’d fall in love with. “It looks like it’s time for my son to grow up and face his demons, don’t you think?” she said. “Your selfish behavior needs to end.”

  I nodded. “It was past time for that, Mom. It’s something I should have handled years ago. But I
can promise you it will be handled now. I know it won’t be easy, but I owe this to myself, to Avery, and to our baby.”

  ***

  “Well, if it isn’t Daddy Kade,” Jett said as I walked into his office at the restaurant. Easton sat across the desk from him, holding a large stack of papers in his hands.

  “Am I interrupting something?” I asked as I sat down on the edge of the desk, looking between the two of them.

  “Nope, we were just going over some numbers for the Miami location. What’s up?” Jett leaned forward and placed his elbows on his desk.

  “I was hoping I could convince Easton to help me out with something.”

  Easton nodded, indicating I should continue.

  “I need you to have your friends locate Jenna’s parents for me.”

  Jett shifted in his chair. He knew just how big this request was for me. After her death, I went off the grid, but I still knew how angry Jenna’s parents were. “You sure about this?” he asked.

  “I have to move forward. I have to let go of the things that are holding me back. This is one of those things,” I assured him with no hesitation.

  “All I need are names and birthdates if you have them. Maybe their last location that you know of. I’ll pass them on to Bennie and let him do the rest,” Easton said, still looking between Jett and me. Only a few people knew just how hard things had gotten for me, and Easton only knew the basics about my life.

  “You got a piece of paper?” I asked. After I wrote down the information he requested, he pulled out his phone and made the call.

  “Are you ready for this? I mean, you’re sure?” Jett asked.

  I nodded and reached into my back pocket for my wallet. After flipping it open, I removed the sonogram picture I now carried everywhere. I dropped it on the desk in front of Jett, and he picked it up and smiled.