Forever Devoted (Crazed Devotion Book 2) Read online

  Forever Devoted

  Crazed Devotion Book 2

  By C.A. Harms

  “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”

  •Dr. Seuss

  Prologue

  LIZ

  “No, you said you would stop.”

  I covered my ears to drown out the screaming. Looking over to the twin bed bedside my own I was thankful to find Elle still sleeping. She’d fallen asleep once again with her earbuds in, while listening to the latest release of her favorite author.

  “You can’t keep doing this Larry,” I heard my mother’s voice echo down the hallway as my father’s big heavy boots thumped against the hardwood floor. “You spent half your paycheck in that damn bar, and the other half barely covers the bills we have.”

  “Then maybe you should get a job,” he slurred. “Stop bitching about money all the time, and make your own instead.”

  My father was a drunk. He started his morning out how most men did, with a cup of coffee in hand. The difference was, his always had a little bit of whiskey added to it too. He never stopped there, because throughout the day, he’d keep that same cup and continue to add a refill of liquor, minus the coffee.

  It amazed me how he made it through most days in his condition.

  Larry Berfield wasn't a loving father or a doting husband, he was mean, and bitter.

  I think at one time my parents may have loved one another or I liked to believe they did. I like to think that at one point in my mothers life she felt cherished. She was too good of a woman to never feel as if she was someone’s everything.

  Growing up in the Berfield home was unpredictable, that was until he left one day and never returned. Maybe it was wrong of me to feel relieved, but I did. For once Elle and I didn’t have to hear my mother cry herself to sleep, or sit by the picture window in the living room waiting for him to return home. It was a calm I hadn’t felt before.

  That was the moment I realized that being alone, having control of your life without a man telling you what you could and couldn't do was the kind of life I wanted. I vowed never to repeat the mistakes my mother made.

  I would be free, I would call the shots.

  Too many years I watch my mother waste for a man that didn't value her or the things she did for her family.

  We may have struggled after he left, but we did it together. We did it with smiles on our faces, and laughter in our home. We learned to pinch and save, never once complaining about leftovers or mac and cheese for dinner.

  My mother, she’s one of the bravest women I know. She didn't cower and cry, she stood tall and moved forward. She did what she had to do, in order to take care of her girls. She is the most amazing person I know, and she did in all without a man.

  Chapter One

  LIZ

  My patience was wearing thin. As in, I could feel my blood boiling in my veins and my mood had gone south long ago.

  I tossed my cell phone in my bag and chose to ignore the seventh message I had received in the last hour.

  Benjamin Matthew Keaton was a dedicated man. Stubborn and irritating, but so damn dedicated.

  I had shared one night with him months ago and most think it was a night of random sex, but they truly had no idea. Yes, we explored, lingered, and repeated again and again; but it was more than just that. For the first time I allowed myself to let go and just feel. I didn't think about what the next morning would bring, because in my mind, the next morning he’d be gone. He’d go back to Germany, or wherever the hell else he ended up and our time would be over.

  So I shared things with him, things I thought I’d never share with any man. He made me feel as if no matter what I said or did, none of it would matter. It was a comfortable, relaxed, pleasurable evening.

  And it scared the shit out of me.

  I realized quickly that I wasn’t ready for the intensity of that man, but he had other ideas.

  In fact he has spent the last couple hours texting me over and over, explaining to me why he and I are meant to be. Those were his words not mine. I’ve spent the last hour ignoring that knot his words had caused to form in my stomach. There was no me and anyone in my book, there was only a me.

  The vibration of my purse told me he had not yet given up. Curiosity had gotten the best of me once again and I found myself digging through my purse to find my phone.

  Don’t lie to yourself wild cat, you know you’ve thought about how good you and I would be together. How I make your heart race and how that heat forms deep within your stomach when you picture us together.

  His cocky arrogance only made me toss my phone into my purse once more, irritated that I even took the time to look to begin with.

  I gathered my bag and keys, pushing open my car door in frustration, walking toward Lucy’s Bar and Grill. What the hell was wrong with him? He was thousands of miles away anyway. What did he expect me to do hop on the next plane to fly off to another country?

  The moment I stepped in to Lucy’s I zoned in on my best friend and sister. They had no idea they were about to get an earful of my built up frustrations.

  The first one was Nicole for giving Ben my number in the first place. I know she had a hand in on it. The second person was Elle for giving me shit about avoiding him. What the hell did she know anyway, she wasn’t the one that felt like her stomach bottomed out every time he brought up the intense connection he felt when we were together, that was me. This was my life and my worries. She could live her life however she chose and I would do the same.

  Why was it so damn hard for these two meddling wenches to back off.

  Let’s not forget Ben either, I wish he’d just let it go. Forget it even happened. That’s what I was trying to do, if the man would stop texting me maybe I could.

  Even I felt the hesitation in that statement. Who was I kidding the man was not easy to forget.

  “Men are so damn frustrating,” I blurted out as I dropped down on the barstool across from them. Both turning to face me, with smiles on their faces.

  “Is it the man, or the woman he is chasing that is frustrating?” Elle chirped entirely too happily.

  I narrowed my eyes at her and she laughed. “Yep, that’s what I thought. It’s the woman.”

  “You’re an ass,” I said as she turned around with a full tray of drinks and began walking toward the group near the pool tables.

  Sometimes I found myself planning a diabolical revenge on my younger sister. She thought she had it all figured out and maybe she did, who knows. But she needed to stop focusing so much on me and my life. I was fine with the way things were.

  “Speaking of men,” Nicole said and I turned around to face her as she continued on. “Ben is actually her...” I cut her off immediately.

  “Don’t get me started on Ben. You gave him my number and he’s to blame for my mood.” I reached inside my purse and grabbed my phone shaking it at her for emphasis. “He has been texting me for hours now. Going on and on about this connection we have. The man won’t let it go.” I thrusted my phone at her. “I’m a curse you know it and so do I. Connection or not Nicole, I am not built for what you and Ryker have. I live on self-destruct mode and that man needs to steer clear of me, if he knows what is good for him. The only thing I’ll do is ruin whatever it is he thinks we got.”

  I let out a deep breath and lay my phone on the bar top when she wouldn’t take it.

  “Besides he’s in Germany and I’m here.” I added.

  “About that,” Nicole said and I looked up to find her looking over my shoulder, biting her lower lip nervously.

  When I turned to see what it was she was looking at, my heart felt as if it lurched upward into my th
roat.

  “Hey wild cat, you done ignoring me yet?” His deep husky amused tone ran through me like a mad rush of heat. Chills breaking out over my arms, back and neck

  “What are you doing here?” I asked my voice cracking with surprise.

  “Didn’t Nicole and Ryker tell you? I live here now.”

  I looked back over my shoulder and narrowed my eyes at my best friend. “No,” I replied. “It seems they both forgot to mention it.”

  Just as I turned back around to face Ben, I found Paul approaching from behind him. He was the guy I always fell back on whenever I needed a little release. Now with Ben here, it only made what I had planned for tonight feel dirty.

  “Hey baby, you ready?” Paul asked as he stepped up to Ben’s side.

  My stomach dropped when a look of distaste washed over Ben’s features.

  I slide from the bar stool with every intention of telling Paul there was a change of plans, but Ben spoke first.

  “You better get going baby.” He said with a disgusted tone. “You wouldn’t want to keep your boy waiting.”

  He didn’t even give me a backwards glance as he turned around and walked toward the opposite side of the bar leaving me behind to feel like the biggest bitch in existence.

  There was the confirmation that I was in fact cursed when it came to guys and relationships. Even when I wasn’t trying to fuck things up, I still managed to.

  I reached around to grab my purse and ignored Nicole when she said my name. Moving forward, my head hung a little lower than when I walked in. Just outside the bar, Paul placed his hand on my lower back and I instantly turned around to face him.

  “Listen I’m sorry to do this, but I’m not feeling up to anything tonight.” I took another step, creating more distance between us. “Sorry for dragging you out only to cancel on you.”

  “Who’s the guy?” Paul asked and his question surprised me. I gave him a quizzical stare, hoping that he’d just take my silence as indication that I didn’t want to talk about it. “The one inside that looked real pissed off about you leaving with me?”

  “Just a friend,” I said with a shrug.

  He chuckled, “That was not a reaction of a friend. You and me, were friends.” He winked because we were a little more than friends, but I got what he was saying. With Paul and me there were never any true feelings included, just fun. “That guy, he’s not just a friend.”

  Paul didn’t wait for me to answer, instead he leaned in and offered me a kiss on my cheek. “Don’t worry about me,” he said as he took a step backwards, “my nights not over yet.” he winked before offering a wave as he walked toward his car.

  I was left standing in the parking lot wondering how I had gotten in my current predicament. I’ve never had a problem intermixing feelings with sex. It was easy, keep it light. Then Ben happened.

  Chapter Two

  BEN

  “Why so gloom?” I looked to my left just as I lifted the beer to my lips. An attractive blond stepped up to my side, holding a pool stick in her hand. I’d say woman, but honestly she looked more like a twelve year old then someone old enough to be hanging out in a bar.

  As I lowered my bottle, I watched her closely. I may sound like an asshole, but to be honest the last thing I wanted at the moment was some strange woman targeting me as her next hookup. I’d imagined it was her thing and I had no desire to be one of many in a long list of happy sticks.

  “Don’t worry, not hitting on ya,” she added as she leaned against the barstool at my side. “You aren’t packing anything I’m interested in.” I arched a brow, still not saying a word. She leans in closer, “I like womean.”

  I swallowed a little harder than I intended to, “Good to know.” I said in attempt to recover from the shocked expression I know was covering my face.

  Tiny, no bigger than one hundred pounds, one hundred and ten tops, long flowing blond hair, cute little frame. I know I was staring, but come on the woman had just shocked the shit out of me.

  “So now that we have that all out there in the open, why do you look like someone kicked ya in the junk.” Again I stared at her, unsure of what to say. “You are a real conversationalist,” she added with a sarcastic laugh.

  “Do you always start all conversations with, I like woman?” I finally speak.

  “Why not,” she shrugs, “it eliminates the awkwardness later. It also cuts straight through the unnecessary flirting that won’t get either of us any closer to what we actually want.”

  For a moment I thought maybe I should stand up and move far far away. But she was right, we’d cut through the shit and now we were just two people chilling out. No expectations or secrets.

  “I just moved here,” I told her.

  “Figured as much,” she hopped up on the chair opposite mine. “I’ve lived her half my life and know almost everyone.”

  “Marine,” I said, “decided not to reenlist and now here I am. Starting over in a new place after home didn't seem as appealing anymore.”

  “Let me guess, some bimbo broke your heart.” I shook my head at this girl that came out of nowhere. She obviously had no problem speaking whatever was on her mind.

  “There was a girl, but that was long ago.”

  “And now?” she asks but the smirk on her lips told me I didn’t have to answer because she already had me all figured out.

  “A girl,” I said looking away from her, “woman, stubborn pain in my ass. Whatever, or however you wanna refer to her as.”

  “Girlfriend then?” mystery girl asks.

  “No just someone I’d hoped may want to see where things could go.”

  I was quiet for a moment, but I could almost feel her eyes burning a hole in the side of my head.

  “I’m Khloe by the way,” she finally broke the silence.

  “Ben,” I said turning completely around to face her.

  “Nice to meet you Ben,” she gave me a smile and I couldn't help smiling back. She was nothing like I expected her to be when she first walked up, which was refreshing. “Let’s forget about all the bullshit and play pool, you game?”

  “Sure,” I pushed up off the table and stood.

  “Okay, but I feel I should warn you,” Khloe added, “I’m pretty good. You’ll lose and your ego will be wounded, but at least you’ll have something else to worry about for the time being.”

  I chuckled as she jumped up and hurried off toward the empty pool table only a few feet away. I may have just met this girl, but I had a feeling I had just made a new friend in the small town of Arab.

  “So tell me a little about the girl,” Khloe says as she racks the balls and center them on the left end of the table. “Maybe I can offer some advice on how to fix your little problem.”

  “Who said I have a problem?” I challenge as I chose a pool stick from the display on the opposite end of the table.

  “Please, you have scorned written all over you.”

  Blunt, smart ass, those were the things that came to mind when I looked at this spitfire.

  When I realized she had no intention of letting the conversation go, I leaned over the table and struck the Cue ball. The balls ricocheted off the sides of the table scattering in all directions.

  “Nice,” she praised. “You’re solids.”

  She paused for only a few seconds before she got right back to hounding me like a best friend would had she known me longer than five minutes. Only she didn’t seem to find it odd that she was being pushy. “Is it another guy, or the fact that you couldn't satisfy her?”

  I froze mid shot, staring back at this woman like she’d lost her damn mind.

  “Oh,” she says almost apologetically, “it’s option two huh?”

  “It is not option two,” I corrected her and she instantly began to laugh. “We were never really a couple, but we were a little more than friends. I guess I just hoped that by me moving here, we could see where things led us.”

  “Please tell me you didn’t leave the military and move
across the US just for some girl you barely knew.” Khloe looked almost disappointed.

  “I knew I was leaving the Marines long before I ever met Liz,” I assured her, “I moved here to be closer to my brother, Ryker.”

  “Ryker Daniels?” Khloe asked.

  “Yeah, you know’ im’?”

  “Know of him,” she clarified. “I’m a few years younger than their group, but most everyone knew that crowd. Wait,” she grinned wide, “Liz, as in Elizabeth Berfield?”

  “Why do I feel like I should say no?” There was something about the way she was watching me. A certain humor in her eyes.

  “You go after the one girl in town that refuses to settle down.”

  I didn't go after her. Okay, so maybe I did a little but it was slightly impossible not to be curious about the sassy girl that challenges a man she had never met over a simple phone conversation.

  “Want some advice?” Khloe asked and I had a feeling even if I said no, I would still get it.

  “Don’t try so hard,” she stated, “make her chase you.”

  I arched a brow, intrigue by her angle.

  “Be unavailable,” Khloe shrugged as she walked around the pool table scoping out her next shot. “Don’t let her think for a minute that you are waiting for her.”

  “Because every girl wants to believe they’ve been easily forgotten,” I said sarcastically questioning her advice.

  “No, but girls like Liz tend to realize things a little later than most. You know that saying you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?” Khloe leaned over the table and in one swift movement she sinks the eight ball. When she stands back up and shrugs as if it was no effort at all I can’t help but laugh.

  I think I’ve just stumbled upon yet another new best friend.

  Chapter Three

  LIZ

  Warm, gentle kisses covered my shoulders and back as I hid my smile in the pillow beneath my head. There was something about the way Ben touched me, so careful, like I was the most delicate thing he’d ever felt beneath his fingers that made me feel precious.