Always His (Crazed Devotion #1) Read online

  Always His

  Copyright @ 2016 C.A. Harms

  All Rights Reserved

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and other elements portrayed herein are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to real persons or events is coincidental.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, storied in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior permission of the author.

  Interior design and formatting by:

  Christine Borgford, Perfectly Publishable

  Table of Contents

  Always His

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Epilogue

  Sneak Peek

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  To my Charmed Girls, thank you all for your continued support. It means the world to me.

  “I don’t want you to go.” Tears filled my eyes, and my throat felt as if it was on fire.

  “Don’t cry, angel. This isn’t good-bye. I’m coming back to you. I promise,” he whispered as he pushed inside me, and tears filled my eyes. “I swear, baby, you’ll always have me. I’m forever yours.”

  I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck, pulled him closer, and buried my face against the side of his neck. I let go of the fear of losing him and focused solely on the way our bodies moved as one. Ryker Daniels had been my first of many things, and I felt like my heart was breaking at the thought of him leaving me. Not being able to see him or feel him was a slow form of torture.

  “I love you, Nicole. I’ll always love you,” he assured me as he made love to me under the stars by Mitchell Lake.

  “I love you,” I whispered with a tremble in my voice. He had been my savior, my knight in shining armor for years, and now he would be thousands of miles away for basic training. After that, who knew where he would end up. I just knew it wouldn’t be here with me. It wouldn’t be where I needed him most.

  That was almost five years ago.

  My heart left with Ryker the day he boarded that bus. The day he chose to let go of what we had. He had sworn I would have him forever, but I knew differently. I could feel it in my heart. The heart that broke when the bus pulled away from the curb. Everything in my life from that moment on felt forced.

  I was a small-town girl living in Arab, Alabama. Never once had I felt the desire to leave. It was my home, where I was surrounded by the people I loved most. The only thing missing was Ryker. After my momma died when I was three, it had always been just me and my daddy. My entire life was full of memories of just me and him, and Lucy’s—my dad’s bar he’d named after my momma, Lucy Russell. I had few memories of my mother, but my daddy said I was just like her. Kind and full of life with a heart of gold.

  I didn’t know the man my father was prior to her death, but he too had a heart of gold. He made sure I never suffered being a girl without a mother. He gave me more than I could ever ask for. He was my best friend. Those were the reasons I would never leave Arab. I would never walk away from the man that had run himself ragged trying to build a life for us.

  But there was a price to pay for remaining in Alabama. A price I wasn’t sure I would ever recover from.

  “Hey, Nic, when you gonna give a guy a chance?” A deep chuckle followed Jimmy’s attempt at snagging that date he’d been working on for months.

  I didn’t even take the time to turn and acknowledge him. The man pulled the same shit every Friday and Saturday night. He was at least five years older than me and had a beer gut the size of a pregnant woman’s in her last trimester. He was harmless, but he loved to fire me up. Guys like him were one of the things that came with working in a small-town bar and grill. Lucy’s was the place to be, and all the hopeless men seemed to flock to it, hoping to get lucky.

  “Come on, sweetheart, just a chance is all I’m asking.” I heard a few more chuckles from the men he was sitting with. They too had heard this song and dance, time and time again.

  “I’ve given two chances to two different men in my life, and both times I got screwed over. Ain’t gonna happen again, Jimmy.” I continued to clean off tables as the night came closer to an end.

  Most people in town knew the details of my story. They knew the heartache I felt when Ryker left and never returned. They watched as I moped around town, missing him with everything inside me. They watched as I slowly began to self-destruct and fall to pieces.

  I should have been smart enough to realize when Tyler Murphy started hanging around me that he had an ulterior motive. But I was young and vulnerable, and he saw right through it. He was able to catch me at my weakest, and nine months later I had a sweet little baby girl to show for that one night of drinking. Now, I wouldn’t change the fact I was a mother to a darling three-year-old angel, but I sure would change who her daddy was.

  Tyler has only seen his daughter a handful of times in her short life, and he had made every one of those times all about him. He was a worthless piece of shit, and most days I thanked God he kept his distance. I didn’t want Tori to be influenced by her father. He was too drunk to see straight practically every day of the week, and I didn’t want my baby girl to have that type of disappointment in her life.

  “Lay off, Jimmy.” Speaking of Tyler, I closed my eyes tightly as his voice grew louder and closer. The moment his hand touched my hip, I spun around and shoved the half-empty beer bottle I’d been holding in his face.

  “Touch me again and you’ll be picking glass shards out of your head for weeks.”

  Tyler narrowed his eyes and smirked. “Still feisty as hell.” He backed up and held his hands out in surrender. “You know how much that turns me on, babe.”

  “I also know we could put a dress on a pig and you’d still sport wood,” I fired back and walked off toward the bar to empty my arms. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with Tyler’s shit. “I think you need to spend less time worrying about getting laid and more time providing for Tori. You know, your daughter.”

  “Come on, Nicole, don’t be like that.” He gave me his best charming smile while taking a seat on the barstool on the other side of the bar. “I’ll give you some money next week.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ve been hearing that same shit from you every month. When do you plan on following through? A child is not an occasional responsibility, it’s an every-damn-day-and-night obligation. When are you ever gonna grow the hell up?” I could feel my ears getting hotter with every word I spoke. “You are twenty-five years old, and I swear to God, most
twelve-year-olds have more sense than you do.” I slammed the bottles into the garbage can and fought to control my anger.

  “You didn’t think I was that bad the night you crawled in bed with me.” This was Tyler’s game. He was always throwing our one night of nothing special in my face.

  “That’s not the way I remember it at all. I remember being upset and you continued mixing drinks for me. It’s sure is funny that after about the third one, I remember nothing until I woke up the next morning and looked over to find you. Hell, I even contemplated gnawing off my own leg for fear of waking you if I moved it from beneath your legs.” His smirk had finally fallen from his face. “All I wanted to do was wash that mistake from my memory. Forget I ever believed you actually wanted to be a friend. The only good that ever came of that night was Victoria, and I wish more than anything your sorry ass wasn’t her father. Because that little angel deserves more than what you could ever give her.”

  Tyler pushed up from the barstool, and it fell to the ground behind him. The few people that were still lingering around the bar turned to watch as he leaned in, placing his hands on top of the bar. “What do you expect me to be, more like your sweet Ryker?” When Tyler said the name, his nostrils flared with irritation. “Just face it, Nicole, no one will ever be able to be who you want. Everyone that tries will just be competing with him. But you need to remember this.” His cockiness returned, and my heart was racing. The mention of Ryker always got a reaction out of me. “He left you, without looking back. Not so much the perfect man, if you ask me.”

  Without thinking I lunged at Tyler and swung my fist, and it connected with his lower lip. A set of strong arms wrapped around me from behind, and I knew it was Greg, the bartender.

  “Get out of here, Tyler, before I turn her loose,” he said.

  Tyler licked the small amount of blood on his lip before backing away with a smirk. “See you later, Sweet Pea. Give Tori a kiss good night from her daddy.”

  I tugged at Greg’s hands, trying to get away, but he only held me tighter. “Slow down, darlin’, that man ain’t worth the time or the energy.”

  He was right, I knew that, but it still didn’t tame the need to beat his ass. Tyler Murphy was and would always be a worthless drunk. He played games, and I refused to allow him to play me.

  It was after three in the morning when I tiptoed through the front door of my two-bedroom apartment. The place was nothing special, but it was home. I was providing for Tori and me the best I could, and that to me made our tiny place feel even homier.

  I smiled as I stepped on a stuffed animal in the center of the floor and it made a giggling sound. I immediately recognized it. Tori played with that soft, pink, little hippo often. It laughed when you pushed on its stomach.

  I leaned over and twisted the lamp, and the small amount of light it provided highlighted the living room and kitchen. The entire front of my apartment was really just one room with a small countertop that separated the two. The living room was covered with toys, and tucked safely in the corner was a pink kitchen playset Tori adored. To some my apartment may seem like a wreck, but seeing the items that provided my daughter with happiness only made me happy too.

  “Long night?” Liz, my best friend, asked through a big yawn as she walked out of the bedroom, wearing her pajamas and a fuzzy pair of slippers. She had been staying over on the nights I needed a sitter.

  “Tyler showed up at the bar” was all I had to say for her to understand.

  After Ryker left, Liz was the only friend who had stuck by me. Well, her and her younger sister, Elle. The rest had gone off to college or had gotten married and had their own lives. I fell into a depression no one seemed to want to deal with. Without Liz, I’m not sure I would have made it through that dark time, or the pregnancy. On most days, she’d had to force me to eat, which she gladly did.

  “Did you get a chance to hit the prick?” she asked with a hopeful smile. She and I had spent many nights planning my revenge on Tyler for his shitty behavior. Sometimes she scared me with details of the way she wanted to torture him.

  “Got one good swing before Greg pulled me off. But it was still satisfying.” I flopped down on the couch and propped my feet on the coffee table. When I looked up at Liz, she was smiling from ear to ear, and I knew she was waiting for more of an explanation. “He brought up Ryker,” I said as I looked down at my hands in my lap. If there was anyone that knew how that would affect me, it would be her.

  “He’s such an ass.” Liz walked around the coffee table and sat beside me. “I wish I’d been there to make sure that man never had the chance to reproduce again.” She wrapped her arm around me and hugged me close.

  We sat in silence, and my mind wandered to the times Ryker and I spent together. The times he would tell me I was the girl he planned to marry. He always made me feel so safe.

  But those dreams and plans disappeared when he left. The calls and letters stopped, and now all I had left were the memories of our times together. And every dream and memory only led to sadness as I thought about how he never returned. And that only broke my heart all over again.

  “We’re gonna miss your ugly face around here.”

  I chuckled as I continued to pack my bags. I’d been with the same men since I was stationed in Germany five years ago. We had seen some shit and even lost a few. After two tours and getting shot in the leg while deployed in Iraq, my time as a Marine was complete. I chose not to reenlist. I served my country, and now I was ready to return home. I knew that wouldn’t be without complications because I’d fucked up in more ways than one, but I wouldn’t walk away without a fight.

  “Yeah, well, you’ll always have that picture of me you’ve got hidden under your pillow to remember me by.” I would miss the guys too. Especially Ben and Luke, or Buzz and Thor, as most around here knew them. They had quickly become two of the best friends a guy could ask for. They were my brothers.

  “You do know you got a shitstorm waiting for you when you get back to Alabama, right?” Thor said with a chuckle.

  The guys had listened to me go on and on about the mistakes I’d made over the years. They’d watched me pick up the phone a million times only to change my mind. They’d also watched me punish myself daily for walking away so easily. Well, it appeared easy; it was actually the hardest thing I ever had to do. But expecting Nicole to wait for me was unfair. I knew she would never leave her father, and I respected that. It was one of the biggest reasons I had to let her go.

  “Yeah. I know.” And I did. Nicole had moved on, or so I’d heard. My parents now lived in Birmingham and kept in touch with a few people back home, so they gave me the news. Hearing Tyler Murphy and Nicole had a child together had fucked with my head for a long time. But from what I also had heard, that relationship wasn’t solid, so maybe I still had a chance for redemption.

  “But she’s worth the battle,” I added as I pulled the picture of Nicole from the pin board above my bed. It had seen the world with me, and now I was going back to her. “I’ve felt like a part of me was missing every day since I left her.”

  “Pussy,” Buzz cough-spoke into his hand, and Thor chuckled.

  I ignored his comment because I truly didn’t give a fuck. If going home to beg her for forgiveness made me a pussy, then I would be happy to have that title.

  My flight was long and got delayed, so I was exhausted by the time I stepped off the plane at Birmingham-Shuttlesworth International Airport. I spent the entire trip listening to couples fighting and children crying. It felt good to be back on solid ground.

  I threw one duffle over my shoulder and held the other in my hand as I sent a text to my father to let him know I had landed. When his response came through, I couldn’t help but smile.

  Dad: We’ve been here for two and a half hours. Your mother refused to wait for you to text.

  I was not ashamed of being a momma’s boy.

  As I rounded the corner, my parents came into view, and I felt like a fucking kid again. N
o longer was I a twenty-five-year-old Marine, but a twelve-year-old who hadn’t realized just how much he missed his parents.

  Being tackle-hugged by a tiny woman weighing no more than a hundred and fifteen pounds almost knocked my six-two frame to the ground.

  “My boy is home,” she cried against my chest as I held her tightly.

  “Yeah, Momma, I’m home,” I assured her as I continued to hold her close.

  “It’s good to have you here, son,” my father said, squeezing my shoulder as he watched the exchange between my mother and I.

  It had been almost two years since I’d seen them. Living in Germany didn’t exactly make weekly visits possible. But they came to see me after I explained I couldn’t come home. At first they couldn’t understand why I chose to stay away, but eventually they found it easy to accept.

  Nicole deserved a chance at a future, and I knew I’d only be holding her back if I didn’t let her go. I was young, and at the time I had no idea where my future was heading. And it took me getting out in the world and experiencing it to know I had everything I needed back home in Alabama. Now I just hoped that with time I could find my way back into Nicole’s heart.

  “Mommy.”

  I remained perfectly still as Tori climbed over me and sat on my stomach. With one leg on either side of my waist, she leaned forward and placed her nose only inches from mine. I opened an eye just enough to see her cute little nose wrinkled up as she whispered again. “Mommy.”

  She traced my nose with a finger and tapped the tip of it over and over. It was something she started doing a few months ago, and it was too adorable to question. “I peed in my bed.”

  And there went the joy.

  I opened my eyes, and hers grew wide. It was then I felt the dampness of her pajamas seep through my thin tank top.

  “And now you peed in my bed too.”

  “No, silly,” she said as she climbed off me, dragging her stuffed bear behind her. “Come on.”