Noah's Journey (Sawyer Brothers #3) Read online

  Bill sat a bowl of ice cream on the table in front of Austin, and the boy’s eyes lit up. Silence set in as he grabbed for the spoon and dug in.

  “His name was Liam,” Stacey said. “I know I hurt you, Noah, but you have to know I never intended to. If I’d stayed, we both would have been miserable.”

  She took a shuddering breath as I continued to watch Austin take bite after bite. I was completely mesmerized by his every move.

  “Liam resembled you in a lot of ways. He even had the same blue eyes. Like I said, I’m not proud of how quickly I moved on with him, but he was good to me.”

  I shifted my eyes from Austin to the woman who at one point in my life I thought I would marry. Looking at her know, I felt nothing but pure hate and disgust.

  “I truly thought Austin was his. You and I were always so careful, and that wasn’t the case after I left,” she said.

  I chuckled sarcastically. “So some strange man raised my son for the last four years because you couldn’t take the time to figure out the truth. Because one damn phone call to me, to let me know he might be mine, was just too much to expect. Didn’t I deserve to have that? Was I so terrible and life here so bad that I shouldn’t have been given the chance to know for sure?”

  I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of my tears, but goddamn it I couldn’t hold them back. She’d taken four years of his life that I’d never get back without so much as a second thought.

  “Why now?” I asked. “What changed?”

  She took a few minutes to calm herself before she answered. “Liam’s father never liked me. In fact, no one in his family did.” She cleared her throat and took a drink of water. “I guess they had been pressuring him for years to get a paternity test, and he finally caved. After we talked about it, we figured it would be the only way to get them off our backs and let us live our lives.”

  She shrugged, and her eyes filled with tears. “When the results came back, you got to know, Noah, I felt like the worst kind of person.” She was playing out the feel-sorry-for-me routine, but I wasn’t biting. “Things went a little crazy after that. His family made it out like I was using him for money and support, and in the end he chose to believe their lies.”

  “I don’t know what your plans are after this, but I can guarantee you, you’re not taking my son away from me again.” I refused to feel sorry for her. She meant nothing to me, but my son meant the world. It may have only been an hour since I found out he existed, but he did, and that changed everything. “So if you have any intention of leaving Livingston, let me just assure you right now that you will have one hell of a fight on your hands.” I tried to keep my voice to a low whisper. Austin didn’t need to hear our exchange.

  I slipped from the booth and knelt at the side of the table. “Hey, buddy, you like horses?”

  He began nodding, resembling a bobble-head figurine more than a little boy. Chocolate ice cream covered his lips and ran down his chin. It was the cutest damn thing I had ever seen.

  “What do you say I take you to see some horses tomorrow?” I asked, completely ignoring Stacey’s reaction. I no longer gave a shit what she had to say. I had a lot of time to make up for, and I didn’t feel I needed her permission for that.

  “Do you have a horse?” Austin asked, looking at me hopefully.

  “I sure do, bud. A whole ranch full.” I smiled at him before standing and leaning over to kiss the top of his head. Before pulling back, I lowered my voice and stared directly at Stacey. “Have him at the ranch by ten.”

  “But I—”

  “I’m not asking, I’m telling ya. You know where it’s at. You can stick around for a bit until he’s comfortable, and then you can take off. I’ll bring him by your parents’ place when I see fit. Because the way I see it, now is my time to get to know my son. I don’t need your permission for that.”

  I stood up and ruffled Austin’s hair. Backing away from the table, I put on a happy face. “See ya in the morning, buddy.”

  He waved and turned around to face Stacey and began excitedly talking about horses as I forced myself to exit the diner, my feet feeling heavier with each step.

  Standing outside, I looked back and watched him through the window of the diner as anger, loss, and regret hit me like a tidal wave and the tears began to roll down my cheeks. I reached into my back pocket and pulled my phone out, then dialed Ryan’s number.

  “Yeah.” His muffled voice filled the other end of the line.

  I took in a deep, shuddering breath and broke. “I have a son, and she never fucking told me. Almost four years old, Ry, and he is beautiful. Fucking gorgeous.”

  “What?” He sounded much more alert this time.

  “Stacey’s back from California,” I said and cleared my throat so I could continue. “She’s come back and, uh…” Fuck if those emotions I was trying so hard to fight weren’t winning the battle against my restraint. “I have a son.”

  Chapter Three

  Alena

  Saying I slept peacefully last night would only be a lie. I was restless, and on more than one occasion, I got up just to pace around the apartment. I hated being here alone. Now that Amber was married and Bailey had moved in with Jackson, nights like the one I had last night are the worst. I would have done anything to be able to crawl into bed with a close friend and talk for hours about my worries. Instead, I was left alone to wonder what would happen now that Stacey was back. Now that Noah had met the son he never knew he had.

  Call me selfish, but I truly hoped this wouldn’t mean the start of a relationship I thought he and I had was now over.

  I was sitting on my bed looking through some dress patterns when Amber called out for me.

  “I’m in here,” I replied without looking up. I decided to settle in Livingston mainly because of Amber and Bailey, but I also decided I could focus on my true passion here—fashion design. Eventually, I hoped to open up a little boutique where I could display my creations.

  The bed dipped, and I held my breath, waiting for what I knew was coming.

  “Noah called Ryan last night,” Amber began. All I could offer was a nod. My stomach knotted as I waited for her to continue. “He was real messed up about Stacey and…”

  I lifted my head to look at her. “His son,” I finished.

  “Yeah, how crazy is that?”

  “It’s sad, really. You should have saw the hurt in his eyes. The way he looked at the little boy, it took everything I had not to cry. He missed out on so much time.” Even thinking about it now brought fresh tears to my eyes.

  “Have you talked to him?” she asked.

  “Not since last night,” I replied. “I knew he had things to deal with. So I just said good-bye and walked back here so he could talk to Stacey and his son.”

  We sat there in silence until the sound of Bailey hollering up the stairs brought us both back to the present.

  “I guess we better go downstairs. You know she won’t stop yelling until we do.” Amber rolled her eyes as she smiled and stood from the bed. “Come on. If I have to deal with the wild woman, so do you. I can only take so many recaps of her and Jackson’s sexcapades before I need to be rescued. You have to run interference.”

  Bailey loved to embarrass Amber, so Bailey often insisted on telling her the most recent sexual position Bailey and Jackson had tried or newest place in the yard where they’d decided to have sex. Sometimes I thought she enhanced the story just to torture Amber even more.

  I followed Amber from the room, even though I honestly just wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep away the day. I knew today was only going to be full of questions I didn’t know the answers to.

  I haven’t had the greatest luck with men. Of course, it didn’t help that I always seemed to choose the ones that had one foot out the door before we even said hello. I’d had what seemed like a hundred short-lived relationships that always left me wondering why I wasn’t good enough to make someone stay. I put up a good front, but in reality I’ve spent m
y life battling myself. Always trying to be perfect so a man would want to stick around. But my lack of self-esteem always won out, making me feel unworthy, and right now it was playing one hell of dirty game with my head. I hid it well, of course. Not even my closest friends knew the fight I fought with myself daily.

  The closer I got to the kitchen, the louder the men’s deep voices got. A strong urge to turn around and go back upstairs hit me. I was terrified of facing Noah and his brothers because I didn’t know what Stacey’s return actually meant for me. I knew Noah was engaged to her once, but now that he’d found out they’d had a son together, the odds of us becoming closer looked pretty unlikely.

  “Move it,” Amber said as she stepped aside and motioned me toward the back entrance to the bakery. “Her being here doesn’t change his feelings for you.”

  I chose not to argue. I knew it would be a waste of my time. As I stepped past her, she placed her hand on my back and nudged me forward. “I’m going,” I said as I looked back over my shoulder. She only smiled and continued to lead me toward the voices.

  The moment we pushed through the door and the three Sawyer men came into view, my heart raced. They were entirely too much sexy for this small area. I had never in my life witnessed three more beautiful men.

  Noah pushed off the counter he had been leaning back against and took a few steps in my direction. My nails dug into my palm as I fisted a hand and waited for him to reach me.

  “Hey.” The deep, raspy tone of his voice always sent chills through me. It was as if every nerve in my body came alive whenever he was within reach. “Can we talk?”

  I nodded, turned around, and began walking back toward the kitchen. Noah placed his hand on my lower back, and those chills returned and trailed up my neck, causing me to close my eyes tightly. I wanted to savor the feeling he caused from just one touch, before everything went downhill.

  I stopped when I reached the counter in the center of the kitchen and placed my hands on the cold steel. Taking in a calming breath, I waited for Noah to let me down as easily as he could.

  “You gonna look at me, or would you rather I apologize to your back?” The cool, calm tone of his voice washed over me, and I turned just enough to look back at him. Feeling like a fool when he gave me that sweet smile of his, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling in return.

  Noah glided his hand along my waist, then gripped my hip and turned me around to completely face him. “That’s better. Not that your backside isn’t mighty fine.” He smirked as his gaze roamed over my body, making my cheeks heat. “But I’m sorta addicted to that beautiful smile of yours.”

  And that comment had the effect he was hoping for as the smile spread over my lips. “There it is,” he whispered as he trailed the thumb of his other hand over my lower lip. “I’m real sorry about last night.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry about,” I assured him, because it was true.

  “I should have walked you home, sweetheart.” He gave me a guilty look, but his guilt was unnecessary.

  “You were where you needed to be. I was fine, really.” He was watching me so intensely. My stomach was knotted and my heart was racing as I asked, “How did it go?”

  “Crazy,” he said with a slight laugh. “Still feels surreal. I got a son I never knew existed. The entire thing causes so many different feelings to rush through me I hardly know what to think.”

  “I bet,” I said. “I can’t image what must be going on inside your mind. The return of your ex-fiancée was enough of a shock, but being a father too?”

  My gaze shifted to his chest, which was only inches from my face. I needed a moment to calm my nerves and my doubts. The last thing Noah needed on top of everything else was me being on an emotional roller coaster.

  When his fingers came to rest on my jaw, I looked up at him immediately. “Stacey returning and the surprise of Austin have no effect on what is going on between you and me,” he said without hesitation. “At least not to me.”

  “Austin?”

  His smile grew wide. “Yeah,” he said. My smile now matched his, because there was absolutely no way I could refrain from feeling the pride he did when he thought about his son. “So was last night cause for hitting the brakes?” he asked. “Because I have no intention of not continuing to explore what’s been building between us for far too long.”

  “But—”

  He stopped my question by placing his lips against mine. He trailed his hands from my jaw down my neck, then combed his fingers into my hair and fisted it. “Don’t get cold feet on me, Alena,” he whispered against my lips, not pausing long enough to allow me to respond.

  When his tongue touched my lips, I opened up to accept him and sucked on the tip. A deep moan ripped from his throat as he pulled back and placed his forehead against mine. He took a deep breath.

  “I was worried you would change your mind,” I confessed.

  “Not a chance,” he said, pulling back to look me directly in the eyes. “I may have freaked out about your interest for a few months in the beginning, but I’m done living in the past. I’m ready to try this with you, and I hope you are too.”

  “I am,” I said in a rush, and he chuckled.

  “That’s good, darling. That’s real good,” he whispered before he kissed me again. Before it grew more intense, he broke the kiss and stepped back. “I’m gonna spend the day with Austin at the ranch, but tonight I was hoping I could see you.”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “Six, my place?”

  I nodded as he took my hand and pulled my body against his. “After I figure out how this all is gonna work with Austin, I want you to meet him. I just need the time with him alone right now.”

  I nodded once more, because I completely understood.

  “Stacey may be in my life because we share a son, but I can assure you that’s as far as it goes,” he said, and I had no choice but to believe him.

  Chapter Four

  Noah

  I sat on the back porch of my parents’ place. It will always be my parents’ place, despite the recent loss of my father. It was a quarter until ten, and I couldn’t stop my nerves from flipping all over the damn place. My leg was bouncing nonstop, and I had no nails left to bite.

  I had already confirmed Stacey and Austin were staying at her parents’ place. Apparently L.A. wasn’t what she hoped for, and after Liam tossed her aside, she no longer had a home there. So returning to the dreaded town of Livingston was apparently her only choice.

  “Noah, if you’re acting like this when they get here, you’re gonna scare the hell out of him.” The screen door creaked as my mother exited the house. She took a seat in the empty chair beside me and tapped my knee with her foot.

  “What if she doesn’t show?” I’d been worrying about it since the moment I walked away last night.

  “She’ll show. She’s still in town. You should know that. You’ve had Burt watching her the entire time.” I took in a deep breath, trying to calm down. “Also, if she doesn’t show, I plan on tracking her ass down.”

  I turned to look at her in surprise.

  “What?” she asked. “She’s kept my grandson away from us long enough. She took away the chance of your father ever meeting him, and that pisses me off to no end.”

  “Ma,” I said, my voice cracking as I too felt the loss of that opportunity.

  “I know, I know.” She cleared her throat. “But you better bet that girl will eventually get an earful from me.”

  I knew she meant it too. My mom was loud, proud, and stern. But after my dad passed, she became a distant and quiet version of herself. As time passed, though, I was slowly seeing the spitfire that was once my ma return. Tammy Sawyer was a badass when she felt the need to prove a point. I didn’t feel even an ounce of guilt for the knockdown I knew Stacey would face when my ma cut loose. I’m sure she would never forgive Stacey for keeping Austin from us all.

  I turned toward the driveway at the sound of tires crunching again
st the gravel. A red, four-door sporty car that didn’t belong here in Montana was approaching with caution. I could see Stacey through the windshield, wearing a pair of sunglasses that where almost as big as her entire face. My mother groaned with distaste, and I knew exactly what she was thinking—here we go.

  I stood from the chair and tried not to come off as too eager, but my need to see Austin was overpowering.

  As Stacey’s car slowed to a stop, I walked toward it and stopped just beyond the hood. Placing my hands in my pockets, I rocked back on the heels of my boots and concentrated on breathing calmly.

  My mother chose to wait on the porch, which in my opinion was in the best interest of Stacey’s safety. I could almost feel the anger boiling off Mom and knew if she had the chance, she would lay down the shit on Stacey. She never really cared for her when we dated, not like she did for Claire and now Amber and Bailey. Stacey just never really fit in with my family, but love can be blind—or lust. Whatever it was, I was in my own little bubble back then.

  Stacey crawled out of the car, looking up at me. I imagined her glaring beneath those big shades of hers.

  “I’m not sure leaving him here would be the best idea,” she said as she closed the car door and crossed her arms over her chest, making her breasts practically spill out of her tight shirt. “He knows you’re his father, we had a long talk this morning, but I just think we need to take this slow.”

  “Yeah, well, I also told you that I didn’t give two shits about what you think. You already took enough away from me. You’re not taking any more of my time with him.” I pulled my hands from my pockets and took a step around the hood of her car. “You wanna stick around for a little bit, that’s your choice. But once he’s comfortable and settled, you can take off. I know where your parents live.”